*Warning: this post may contain nuts (and other genitals).*
Every Sunday, downtown Campbell closes to cars and opens to entrepreneurs who masquerade as hippies, and sell organic bread, homegrown fruit and other overpriced earthy fluff.
We’ve been so often we’ve now mastered the routine. Here are the 16 steps you need to win at an American farmer’s market.
Campbell is where we live, and where we love.
We moved in 9 months ago, and in that time we’ve come to know our neighbours, and they us. To many, we’re the charming family with the cute children. To the people who live immediately next door, we’re the Brits with the ragey kids.
Here’s a few snapshots of Campbell life.
Super Bowl is this Sunday and it’s a big freaking deal.
This year it’s being played at Levi’s Stadium, right here in the Bay Area, so Americans in our near vicinity are even more excitable than usual. In total, it’s expected that more than 120million people will tune in, just to catch a glimpse of Janet Jackson’s nipple.
But what is the Super Bowl, and why is the biggest prize in American Football named after a serving dish? Surely you want a trophy to have gravitas, not gravy…
What’s stronger than a thousand men?
More violent than a Tarantino movie?
Windier than the curry mile?
Since we moved here, the myth of El Niño has spread faster than a Californian wildfire.
I met Alex 10 years ago.
When I realised I was punching above my weight, I proposed. We married, had kids, and argued over which traits they picked up from us (good looks and playfulness – Alex; bad eyesight and skin allergies – me).
This is our kettle. God it’s awful.
Just look at it.
With its stuck-up spout and pretentious double handle that’s too hot to lift without an oven glove.
It doesn’t even have a measure on the side to let you know how many cups it will make. It just arrogantly expects you to know by sight.
And it’s annoying. So annoying. When it’s done, it’s just dying to let you know with a high-pitched whistle. “Oooooh look at me everybody, I’ve boiled the water AND I’m shrieking”. Frickin’ show-off.
Today is exactly 6 months since we left the UK.
In that time, Alex has taken up running, Daisy has tantrummed in some of the biggest public spaces in Northern California, and Ava has turned into a walking, talking all-American kid. Me? The main change I’ve noticed is that I wear white socks more than I used to, without worrying about my street cred.
Here’s the 16 things we’ve learned since we got here… Continue reading 16 things we’ve learned about life in the US.
We need to talk about Christmas.
Mainly because I’m the only one in America with the baubles to do so.
Don’t get me wrong, Christmas over here is like everything else in America – absolutely massive.
In the UK, the biggest radio stations sprinkle classic Christmas tunes into their playlist from mid-December. But out here, brand new stations are created out of thin air, exclusively to belt out Christmas songs, 24/7. I tell you, all I want for Christmas is to not hear Mariah Carey’s god awful song every 15 minutes.