July 1 was exactly one year to the day that we arrived in the US.
It’s hard to believe how fast the time’s gone, and how little we’ve achieved. I’m still waiting for an investor to pump millions of dollars into my blog, and my 5 year old doesn’t even own a gun yet.
Mind you, with the UK going bat shit mental since we’ve been away, we feel pretty lucky to be here.
And since we moved, we’ve been building up a collection of random things we’ve learned about America and the Bay Area. Here they are.
1. Americans don’t know how to wear sunglasses.
2. JiffyLube is not a bedroom endeavour.
3. Nor is double fisting.
4. Rotten Robbie is not a bully in a kids’ TV show.
5. Turning left adds 10 minutes to every journey.
6. You grow old just waiting for the lights to turn green.
7. You’re more likely to see a unicorn than a French car.
8. Bone broth is the breakfast of modern day Americans, not cavemen.
9. American Football is 15 minutes of sport, 2 hours of adverts.
10. Baseball is long, boring, and a legitimate reason to be drunk at 4pm. Basically, it’s Cricket.
11. Americans clap after a successful fire drill.
12. The backwards baseball cap is every man’s LBD.
13. A man can wear flip flops in the office and still keep his job.
14. When you find what you need in a grocery store without asking for help.
15. Gak means something different in the U.S.
16. IRS is an actual organization and not just a 1990s wrestler.
17. People love bumper stickers more than their children.
18. You don’t know fear until you’re at a sports game and the Kiss Cam comes out.
19. Rubbish in Silicon Valley is on a completely different level.
20. Listening to my wife talking in an American accent to an automated telephone service will never not be funny.